When Hyourinmaru Was Human
by mylonelyshadow
Summary: Musings of the zanpaktou personality belonging to Hitsugaya Toushiro: Hyourinmaru was human at one point, 100s of years ago. What wise words have been learned and what memories refuse to leave? [chapter 6 up!]
1. Prologue

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT own Bleach or any other anime or anime characters I write about. Of course, I own my OC's. But other than that, I'm own-less. And for this story, I give some inspirational/idea credit to Sabrielle after reading her story Observations.

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**When Hyourinmaru Was Human**

"Shutup, can't you see I'm in an important captains meeting? Seriously Hyourinmaru, you're the most annoying zanpaktou sometimes."

"Look who's talking. Oh, wait, it's just Shiro-chan's tempermental ego again."

"It's Hitsugaya-_taicho_. And you, my icy fiend, have just as big an ego as I do."

"What do you expect? We teamed up because of certain similarities and differences. For example; _Similarity:_ our blown up egos. _Difference:_ I'm experienced in life, and you're not."

"'Experienced in life?' But you've never had a life…" A serious pause. "Have you?"

"You see what I mean? You are dense. Of course I had a life. What good would a zanpaktou be if they never had the chance to learn things on their own?"

"But you're a dragon."

"Yes, I _am_ a dragon. Don't forget that. But that doesn't mean I always _was_. Being and having been. Lesson number one that Toushiro-kun has yet to learn."

"Fine. This meeting is boring. And you've sparked my interest. What was your human life like?"

"I don't remember it all. That was a very very long time ago. But some things just never leave you; some things stay with you, even after you've died twice."

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MyLonelyShadow: I'd really like to know what you guys think. By the way, this story is going to have it's dark moments. But for now it's more fun. Thanks for reading! (more to come!)


	2. Ch1: Words of Wisdom

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT own Bleach or any other anime or anime characters I write about. Of course, I own my OC's. But other than that, I'm own-less. And for this story, I give some inspirational/idea credit to Sabrielle after reading her story Observations.

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_Words of Wisdom, A Prologue of Sorts_

1) Being and having been.

2) You never know enough.

3)There is always someone who can melt even the heart of legendary ice dragon.

4) Every heart that can be broken can heal itself.

5) Don't eat yellow snow. Even when playing truth and dare. It's just not pretty.

6) War is never pretty, especially when it's close to home.

7) Little brothers _are_ worth the hassle, embarrassment, and anger.

8) Procrastination is a bad habit. Very bad. And yes, there are consequences.

9) Don't count your dragon chicks before they breath fire.

"Um, Hyourinmaru? May I interrupt?" Said a slightly confused, somewhat sarcastic taicho.

"No, but seeing as you already have, what?"

"Yellow snow?"

"You're brain doesn't process things very fast does it. Do I really have to explain what yellow snow is? Goodness Shiro-chan, you get dumber by the minute!"

"Shut up, Hyourinmaru. I am kind of in the middle of a meeting. Some of my attention has to be put toward Yamamoto-soutaicho and the others, or my reputation will be even harder to maintain than it already is, what with being a boy prodigy and all. Besides that, most of your other points were very deep and thought-out, so the yellow snow thing just seemed off. Why would you remember something like that?"

"Trust me, you don't forget something like that. And they are all key elements to surviving in this forsaken world. Even for an already-dead-but-can-still-die-again-mini-taicho."

"It's Hitsugaya-tai—"

"We know, we know. _Taicho_."

"And I don't know much about dragons, but you don't breathe fire."

"And?"

"I don't get that last point. About the chicks?"

"Dragon chicks. Of course you wouldn't understand. Now do you want to hear more of my story or not?"

"Hai. Continue. Kenpachi is trying to recount a total of the hollows he killed during the last invasion. He sucks at math anyways and he probably didn't pay attention while having a gay ole time chopping them into little bits. This could take a while. And I wasn't there, so no need to speak up as a witness. Continue."

(heavy sarcasm) "Arigato gozaimasu, great mini-taicho! I, legendary ice dragon, Hyourinmaru, may now continue because I have been given a ridiculously long explanation as to why I have the mini-taicho's full(er) attention now!"

"Shut up, Hyourinmaru."

"Glad to know we have such a loving relationship, shorty."


	3. Ch2: Desert of Ice

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT own Bleach or any other anime or anime characters I write about. Of course, I own my OC's. But other than that, I'm own-less. And for this story, I give some inspirational/idea credit to Sabrielle after reading her story Observations. For this particular chapter, I owe a LOT of credit to my lil sis, bug, or I may not have gotten this done anytime soon. Thanks Bug! Shadow

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_In a Land That Was Once a Desert of Ice_

I grew up many hundreds of years ago, too long ago for your little mind to comprehend. It was just me, my little brother Ryoubashi, and my mother. Ryoubashi wasn't really my brother, but that wasn't uncommon. In the time I lived, there was much suffering. That's why my father was never home; I never met him nor do I even think he was still alive by then. As noble as my mother always claimed he was, I've never believed he was a warrior. My mother was the warrior. She taught Ryoubashi and I to wield an array of weapons, everything from swords, axes, and lances to cooking pots and chopsticks. Like a lot of other women did, she took Ryoubashi in when his mother was captured. (I'd rather not think about what they did to her). My home was in ruins by the time I was seven, simply from nearby Hollows raiding the villages for food, eating the souls that wandered so abundantly. That's war for you: death, bloodshed, stealing, loss, starvation. There was one thing that my mother always said, not necessarily to us, but she always said it, "When will the world finally end?"

She got her wish too soon. One night, during Ryoubashi's guard, a certain Espada walked towards our town with his little pet Hollows. (I might also make a point that everyone back then was in touch with their spiritual powers, so seeing into the spirit world that coincides with the world of the living was normal; I don't know how it got to be the way it is today. Humans have become so ignorant). Ryoubashi wasn't paying attention and didn't get the warning siren going before the Espada made it through the gate. It was pure chaos after that. Once the Espada came into our town, the amount of deaths increased rapidly, and our town finally got fed up with it. Everyone, what was left of the men, even some women and children, rose against the Espada and his pets. The Espada left immediately only to return with other Espadas and their Hollows. Luckily, Soul Society got wind of our trouble and many Shinigami came to defend our town. The Shinigami and the Espadas waged war with each other. The fighting was everywhere: in our town, in the sky, and on the outskirts of our icy desert. My mother's wish was coming true. The world really was coming to an end.

Later, the battle became known as The Clash of Frozen Spirits. The icy desert was turning into a wasteland. With all the fighting and immense amount of reiatsu concentrated in the area, the ice was melting and falling apart. The icy desert was not icy for much longer. Soon, I thought, there would be nothing left of the world. Finally, the battle ended, though there wasn't much left to protect by that time. Life seemed worthless at that point. But my mother insisted we live on.

So, we did.

But I can't say the same for her. She just wasn't the same once the ice was gone.

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_A/N: You have no idea how much time I'm spending thinking and writing for this story. Only problem is, I don't necessarily write it in order, but I'm doing my best. Hope you enjoy. Sorry it's kinda dark. There will be humor later. Remember the yellow snow??? Yes. That's going to be a fun chapter. REVIEW TIME!!!_


	4. Ch3: After My World Ended

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT own Bleach or any other anime or anime characters I write about. Of course, I own my OC's. But other than that, I'm own-less. And for this story, I give some inspirational/idea credit to Sabrielle after reading her story Observations.

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_What Followed the End of the World_

In the years following the total devastation of the world, as we then knew it, Ryoubashi and I grew farther apart. I never mentioned it before, but we had been rather close. Like I said, brothers. I was two years older than him, and I made sure he knew it. Our mother pretty much lost her mind after that damned battle. She had lived in an icy world all her life, all three of us had, and the battle had changed the land in a way that we left us lost in a foreign place. Basically, my mother reverted to a child-like state and we were whom she looked towards for care until her death.

I began to hate Ryoubashi. Somehow, I blamed him. I've never been able to figure out why, but for all our troubles, the war, lack of food, my mother's current state, became his fault. I blamed him. In all honesty, I think he blamed me exactly the same way. But we never let mother see. It would have killed her to see that we hated each other. Besides, I got the feeling she knew, she just wasn't going to let us know that she knew. Ugh. See, no ever knows, never enough.

My mother died. The next ten years were a blur. Ryoubashi didn't even say goodbye. He was just gone. I left too, knowing mother was the last thing keeping me there. Sad to say we both joined the war effort, against her last wishes, and on opposing sides. Heck, I don't even know what the sides were, yet alone what the whole damn point of the war was! Originally, it was good against evil, the beings of Soul Society versus those of Hueco Mundo. By the time I joined up, that line was indistinguishable, save for "green" and "yellow" armbands. In fact, there were hardly any Shinigami or Hollows in the battles anymore, at least not those I fought in. It was humans against humans, brothers against brothers, fighting with honor without a cause, thereby only to be a disgrace. It was ugly. At least the ugly Hollows dissolved when they were killed. They left no trace, nothing ugly to stare at. Humans, oh they stayed ugly for much longer, even if you buried them, they left traces, almost wanting to remind someone that they existed in this disgusting world.

My life as a solider lasted too long. I did many terrible things. When I finally died, I rid of that damn profession of killing. Of course, it was only temporary, as I became a Shingami years later, so in retrospect, I can't brag much. I often still ask myself why I became a Shinigami, other than to escape the poverty of Rukangi. Did I have another reason? Or was self-interest what drove me, regardless of the sentiments I tried to give off?

My brother, Eiji, always thought it was my destiny, and that maybe, by becoming a zanpaktou, I'd finally figure out the answers to my questions.

At least I know I've done one thing right. I've kept all these people – Ryoubashi, my mother, Eiji, Ukitake – alive for as long as I'm around in my memories.

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"I hate to have to stop like this, since you're actually giving me the attention I deserve, but Mr. mini-taicho, everyone is staring at you."

"Huh?"

"Nothing, it's just that your unconsciously making a strange face and all the other captains are staring."

"WHAT?" Hitsugaya quickly pulled himself back into the present as he didn't realize how wrapped up he was getting in Hyourinmaru's tale.

"Are you alright Juuban-taicho-san?" Remarked a stuck up Byakuya, who was obviously unconcerned.

"Hai, hai. P-pardon me, but Hyourinmaru was— well, he was making some kind of point and I lost my physical concentration trying to understand it all. Sumimasen." He bowed, trying to hide his bright red face.

"It's not my fault, don't go blaming this on me. Stupid miniature taichos, think they know everything. You owe me, you know. Already the other Zanpaktou's are asking me what it was we were discussing and I've had to lie to them. The best thing I could come up with without any warning was some nonsense about a bay, watermelons and a penguin with pink slacks. You owe me."

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A/N: Not my best work. And it's awful short again. So sorry for the late update, stuff has been getting in the way. Next time will be better. I've never been good with the beginning of stories anyhow. Shadow


	5. Ch4 & 5: Lessons 1 & 2

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT own Bleach or any other anime or anime characters I write about. Of course, I own my OC's. But other than that, I'm own-less. And for this story, I give some inspirational/idea credit to Sabrielle after reading her story Observations.

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_Lesson Number 1: Being and Having Been._

I had always been a mere child. I didn't know the workings of the world. My mother was always there to shield us, but when the world ended, her mind was too worn, no longer strong enough to go on. She reverted to that childlike state I was telling you about and my brother and I took care of her in turn.

After she died, we went out on our own, in separate ways. I didn't realize it then, but I was going off to war. I also didn't realize that my own brother and I would clash one day.

But I made a promise to my homeland. I promised to return home within a year. I wanted to come back. To come back to this memory filled home.

So now separated from my brother, I lived at the edge of the turf that used to be ice and had a very poor life, if it wasn't poor already. I had to steal in order to get the things I needed because I didn't have any money. I had to steal for myself. I had no choice. What else could I do? No one would take me in, so I was left to live on the streets. I tried to find alternate ways to get food and clothing, anything besides stealing, but life gave me no mercy.

So, one day I was out looking for supplies, and I saw someone with a bag. He looked like a miner, so I figured he had food, drink, and tools in his bag. I was desperate. I followed the guy all day until he went home. When we got to his little one room home, I glanced through a hole in the wood and saw that he was giving the bag to a very skinny, very weak looking boy. I had to wait till nightfall before I could go in.

Finally night came; quietly I snuck in. Both were asleep, but I took no chances. I spotted the ragged brown bag he had been carrying hours before. I went up to it, sitting beside the young boy, who had taken out a small piece of bread earlier but couldn't finish it.

Without a second glance, I took the bag and the remaining bread and left.

For a short time, I had been a man. But now, all I was being was a selfish fiend, a monster, just like those I had always hated.

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_Lesson Number 2: You Never Know Enough_

My mother was brave. Smart. Witty. Beautiful. To me, she seemed to have an air of royalty. Granted, royalty didn't have huge purple bags under their eyes, nor did they live in a country of ice with rags for clothing. They ate lavish meals and had castles for homes with 20 horses and 25 servants at the least. My mother may not have had that, but she treated everything she did have as if it belonged in Kings bedroom. Our weapons were among the things she cherished. "These are to protect the people you love. These are not toys. We must polish them everyday, that they might aid us well when the raiding begins again."

We had always seen our mother as invincible, a warrior. I suppose I didn't know her as well as I'd always thought I had, because in all my years alive, I had never realized that my mother was afraid of water.

I should have noticed; if I'd have paid a little more attention, I just might have noticed that she never dealt with more than a cupful of it at the time. When it rained, she stayed in bed all day. Ryoubashi never noticed the correlation; I never connected the dots until the first day it rained after I'd left home. We always just thought she was sick.

I couldn't figure out exactly why was she afraid of water. I think about it every time it rains, but that is one thing I will never know for sure.

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A/N: So, I crammed two short chapters into one thing. Hopefully I get the next two things up soon so it makes more sense. Review!


	6. Ch6: Lesson 3 & Interlude

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT own Bleach or any other anime or anime characters I write about. Of course, I own my OC's. But other than that, I'm own-less. And for this story, I give some inspirational/idea credit to Sabrielle after reading her story Observations.

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_Lesson Number 3: There is always someone who can melt even the heart of legendary ice dragon_.

My promise to return in a year had expired. I had been a monster for three years by then. My heart was as cold as my home was before it had been mutilated and melted during The Clash of Frozen Spirits. Whenever I considered going home, I decided that I didn't have a home to go to.

I trudged along, living a lost and hideous existence. I decided there was no reason to stay on that damned earth. Armageddon had already happened as far as I was concerned. Home gone. Mother dead. Ryoubashi hated me. I hated life. For a while, I just wanted to see bloodshed, paint the earth red, even though I knew it wasn't right and it didn't make me feel any better doing it; I just wanted to know that at least in death there was no difference in how we bled. Hollows. Humans. Arrancar. Animals. Espada. Spirits. We are all red inside. It was comforting, and it was calling.

There is no way I can describe the feeling of emptiness I felt. I had no one, nothing, not even a fake reason, though I searched hard, to keep living.

In my wanderings, I finally found the edge of the world.

Since the end of the world had already come, I figured there had to be an edge to what remained. And here it was. A coastal cliff loomed enticingly at my feet. I remember that there was little wind that day. The clouds in the sky looked like pieces of floating ice, the crash of the sea reminded me of when it hailed for days on end. For the first time in a long time, I felt somewhat at home. It almost made me change my mind.

Almost.

I took a deep breath and took a step forward. Before I felt the sensation of falling though, I felt a tight squeeze around my right leg. It was a little girl. Correction, it was the spirit of a little girl.

"Don't leave onii-chan! Don't leave!"

"Sumimasen, demo—"

"He needs you!" My thoughts rushed to Ryou as the little girl cried for me to stay. "I need you!" I backed up a few steps and knelt down and lifted her chin up. I wiped the tears off her face as best I could, though it was hard to concentrate and keep from going straight through her. She was a spirit after all.

"I-I-I c-can't let you l-leave again." She grasped at the words while trying to fight back her vaporous tears.

I sighed. I've never been around kids much, other than Ryou. "I'm sorry, but I don't think I'm who you're talking about. I am an only child."

"But papa and I need you!" She protested. "Last time you went over the cliff you didn't come back, not even you're spirit! Papa needs you! I need you! Please stay onii-chan! Please!"

I didn't know what to do. Her grip tightened around my leg. My thoughts kept wandering back to Ryou. Her tears fell on my jacket and disappeared. I lifted up her chin again and looked her in the eye. There was something familiar, but even now I don't know what it was exactly. I asked her name.

"Shia."

"Hello Shia. You can call me Hyou."

"So you're really not onii-chan?" Shia looked like about to cry again.

"I suppose I could be, but I'm a different onii-chan than the one you are looking for." What? I couldn't resist those eyes. "I will be you're onii-chan for now. You said you're Papa and you need me. What can I do for you before I leave?"

"No! You can't leave!" Shia paused. "Not like that."

I was instantly crushed. Here was a stranger, a spirit, a little girl begging me not to kill myself, not to jump off that cliff. "Ok." I took her hand, which was surprisingly easy, and made a promise with my new nee-chan. "I promise. I won't leave like that."

"Kay." She sniffled. "Let's go! Papa is waiting!"

We walked hand in hand, my nee-chan pointing out all the little details on our way to her Papa. A grasshopper here, a dandelion there, a blue bird in the tree up ahead. Her ghostly grasp on my hand was sending warmth through my ice-cold veins.

Shia led the way to a small hut at the edge of the forest. For some reason, I hesitated. Shia paused as well, but I think it was out of sheer joy.

"Papa!" Shia raced toward the hut, dragging me along with a force I didn't expect her to achieve as a spirit, as a middle aged man emerged from the hut. He, too, was a spirit.

"Shia? Eiji? Have you two really come?" His eyes widened with surprise, then he realized I was not his son. "Shia…"

"I'm sorry, sir. My name is Hyourinmaru. I am Shia's adopted nii-chan. I'm afraid her onii-chan has not returned."

The man just looked at me, those vaporous tears forming in his eyes. I was about to apologize when he grabbed my shoulders and pulled me into a tight hug of gratitude, something I did not expect nor had I experienced in years. "Thank you Hyourinmaru. Thank you my boy, for bringing my Shia back. I couldn't move on without her. I just couldn't. But Shia, she just wouldn't leave without her brother. I have been chained here and could not leave to look for her. It has been almost ten years since I died, and eight since my children became spirits as well." He stared intensely into my eyes for a very long time. I had the feeling this Eiji left to join his mother, since she wasn't here. Turns out I was right. The man knew it. I knew it. But Shia was such a faithful little sister that she didn't want to leave if she wasn't sure her brother was safe.

I said my goodbyes and watched the father and daughter embrace. I turned to leave, but before I got more than a foot away, Shia grabbed my right leg again and hugged me. "You promised." She whispered. The warmth that ran through my veins broke through to my frozen heart and melted it right down to the core. I cried. For the first time in many years, I was human again. "Yes I did. Don't worry. I will keep my promise."

I waved goodbye, tears still burning my eyes. The thought of promises, kept and not kept, forced more tears out of me.

I was human again. I was human again.

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A/N: Oo, so serious... Well, once again, I am combining chapters. This next part is an interlude, but I feel like I must include it. Sorry if this causes any inconvenience. Keep reviewing please!

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_Interlude: for a Stupid Question with a Stupid Answer_

"Quick question."

"No question is ever quick with you miniature one."

"It's Hitsugaya-taicho! And seriously, how can you insult me when you, the great dragon of disaster, can't keep your story straight?"

"I feel so loved. You've given me a nickname! But so far as my story, I thought I've been doing a good job! Geez, no appreciation for talent these days."

"Then why are you skipping around? You were doing fine, telling everything chronologically. But ever since you added these 'lesson' chapters, it's all screwed up."

"It's not chronological anymore. At least you understood that much. These are the lessons I was telling you about before I even started my story! I gave you a summary of my life so you had some background to fill in some of the blanks. If I'd have just started with the lessons, you're head might have exploded."

"Indeed. You do give me awful headaches sometimes."

"Look, these are memories. The mind isn't perfect, not even yours. Sheesh. I'm giving the stories behind the lessons, hoping you might understand them better. Pardon me if they aren't in chronological order. If I had a tongue right now, I'd be sticking it out at you."

"Whatever. Are you gonna continue jumping around like this?"

"Yes."

"Okay."

"Okay."

"Fine."

"Good."

"So, continue."

"Maybe I will."

"Good."

"Fine." Hyourinmaru paused, making sure Hitsugaya wasn't going to try and beat him out. "You know, sometimes you do act your age."

Hitsugaya smirked. "And you never act yours."

"Is that really the way to talk to your sword? I might decide to not let you pull me out of the sheath next time your in a jam. Then what?"

"I'd come up with something."

"Sure you say that now. But when you're put in a situation like that, it usually doesn't work out very well."

"And you would know, right?"

"Yes."

"Of course."

"Duh, I'm the legendary dragon, remember?"

"Are you stalling?"

"No. I just enjoy teasing you. You're kind of like the little brothers I always seem to end up with."

"Huh?"

"Oh, haven't gotten that far yet. Sorry."

"What? You're doing this on purpose."

"I told you that."

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A/N: Yay for stream of consciousness and order of importance! Sorry, this really is how it's supposed to be written. I go back and forth about whether I like it or not. But this is the way it stays. Sorry if you're not a fan of it. Again, review review review! (please). 


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